Awoke this morning with the song "Time For Me to Fly" by REO Speedwagon in my head. Asked Alexa to shuffle and the song finally showed itself. As I was listening, it was clear that most of my important relationships came to this point. Where I had been drained of my love and finally decided I had enough. This was no awakening as it has been evident for a long time that I was raised co-dependent or self love deficient (Ross Rosenberg). Giving my love away for mere crumbs in return. Didn't matter if it was marriage, friend, or boss. And when I quit giving, they would force their way to continue to get their supply. When I didn't give willingly they increased the force to steal from me. There would be an inevitable power struggle finally forcing me to leave.
Then, the next meaning revealed itself. Time For Me to Fly- away. From here, from humans, from earth. From mass consciousness. I am ready to untether myself. "I've had enough of the falseness of this worn out relation." In fact, I've had enough for many years. Don't know why I have been in this holding pattern. Maybe it just wasn't time yet. Maybe I arrived too soon. Maybe there is something to circling. Maybe it just wasn't fucking time, for whatever reason.
The last three years has sent me on a physical journey. I knew the last thing that I hadn't given up was what I put into my body. Received a post card which read change or descent into sickness. I picked change. It was and is difficult. I have spent this time immersing myself in feeding and caring for my body. I'm tired of it. Just tired. It is difficult to stay on the road when there isn't a lot of progress you can see. Still, left with not much choice. No choice really to turn around. No where else to go. The other way isn't an option.
I believe that the last test for enlightenment is physical. Through illness, usually. We all get sick. We have to fight for our lives. Some don't make it. Don't know why. Maybe it was time. I certainly understand giving up or surrendering to the process. Whatever the end result will be. Surrender goes by in many ways. You pluck it out of the sky for relief. But then are asked to put the process on repeat. There are many times where I feel I have been here. Only to repeat again. I feel I am out of surrender options-at the end of the playlist.
All I know is I am feeling strongly "It's Time For Me to Fly."
Monday, June 15, 2020
Sunday, July 17, 2016
Unconscious death urge- Choose Life - Choose Death
It has been nearly two years since I last posted. A lot has happened. But as "they" say, Life is a Journey. And as "I" say, no shit, Sherlock.
Where to begin?
I believe at the end. Now. I will start from now. My point of perception. Which has changed indelibly and to try and start from where I left off would just be impossible.
Since life is a circle, I am certain it all will come around no matter where I start.
To Begin, again:
I awoke in my bed this morning or um, afternoon, already in process. Which means for me, is being conscious or aware of something more going on than what it looks like. I was not "just lying in my bed" but had awareness of something trying to bubble to the surface.
I checked my phone and scanned some posts on Facebook. Not really looking for anything and I admit, I did get side tracked a little by the Friday Fluevogers posts of their recent additions to their shoe collections. So yummy.
After my shoe addiction was fed, (a girl's gotta eat), I spotted a post from Sondra Ray referencing the unconscious death urge and she was linking it to chronic fatigue syndrome. This made me think of Anthony Williams, the Medical Medium's belief that almost all or all autoimmune diseases are tied to the Ebstein Barr Virus. And, a commenter had made the same link.
The circle began to connect.
I have been dealing with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and hypothyroidism for, let's just call it an even ten years. It could be more, but definitely not less time.
It goes like this (this is fresh and raw and may add/delete/change my perspective):
Anthony Williams believes that the Epstein Barr Virus is also responsible for the millions of thyroid disease sufferers. I read an estimated 27 million Americans have some form of thyroid disease with a total of 13 million undiagnosed. Why is thyroid disease so common?. If Anthony is correct about EBV causing thyroid disease, the Epstein Barr Virus could be the physical representation of the unconscious death urge physicalized.
Autoimmune diseases attack the body. It is like a war within the body where it appears the body is killing itself. The unconscious death urge is part of the human blueprint. I think it is safe to say that humans come in with the fear of death. Most, if not all humans come in pre-loaded with the fear of death. It can be enforced and reenforced once we get to earth by what we experience. Also installed is an unconscious death urge. This sets up a dynamic of being afraid to die but at the same time, wanting to die.
This unconscious death urge is dormant until activated. What would activate an unconscious death urge or an unconscious wish to die? Events which create fear, unhappiness, loss, dis-ease...aka, a shitty life. Perhaps some are more impervious to events than others to having their unconscious death urge triggered. Enter a chronic state of fear, unhappiness, loss, dis-ease...aka, awakening.
When light workers or humans start to awaken, that triggers loss. The saying goes "on my way to awakening, I lost everything". The amount of stress placed on the human to change in order to awaken can be excruciating. You will engage all of your cycles. Life will no longer be just about survival. When you strip it all back, we get to death. Do you want to live? One can come to terms with the fear of death but still have an old program of the unconscious death urge running in the background. We can have a belief in death because that is what we see. The death urge preinstalled gives us a way out if we have had too much life and want an escape route. It also is part of the human condition to die. However, if we release the unconscious death urge, by making it conscious, we can embrace that death is a choice to die. It is not something which happens to us (unless it is unconscious). We can choose death, consciously. Which is mind blowing to some because some are so afraid to die that they want to live forever in the same old body with the self that inhabits that body.
And so, my friends, make the unconscious death urge, conscious. Stop the war within yourself. Afraid to live and afraid to die. End it. Choose life. Choose to live and choose to die. Get out of the old human programming. Don't be a "victim" of not choosing.
I just don't think one can eat enough fruits and vegetables to shut down an unconscious war against yourself. That is what an autoimmune disease is- and all the fruits, vegetables, supplements, acupuncture, deep tissues massages, yoga, crystals, channeling, etc is not going to be a force against the unconscious death urge. I know, because this is where I have been. These tools only helped me stay alive so that I could finally bring this unconscious death urge to light and choose life.
And as with all circles, when you choose life you choose death. Isn't that the dickens? No more fear. Choose love. All is love. Your life has been chosen with love. Walk in the shoes of love which are even more satisfying than all the John Fluevog shoes you can find on sale.
Where to begin?
I believe at the end. Now. I will start from now. My point of perception. Which has changed indelibly and to try and start from where I left off would just be impossible.
Since life is a circle, I am certain it all will come around no matter where I start.
To Begin, again:
I awoke in my bed this morning or um, afternoon, already in process. Which means for me, is being conscious or aware of something more going on than what it looks like. I was not "just lying in my bed" but had awareness of something trying to bubble to the surface.
I checked my phone and scanned some posts on Facebook. Not really looking for anything and I admit, I did get side tracked a little by the Friday Fluevogers posts of their recent additions to their shoe collections. So yummy.
After my shoe addiction was fed, (a girl's gotta eat), I spotted a post from Sondra Ray referencing the unconscious death urge and she was linking it to chronic fatigue syndrome. This made me think of Anthony Williams, the Medical Medium's belief that almost all or all autoimmune diseases are tied to the Ebstein Barr Virus. And, a commenter had made the same link.
The circle began to connect.
I have been dealing with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and hypothyroidism for, let's just call it an even ten years. It could be more, but definitely not less time.
It goes like this (this is fresh and raw and may add/delete/change my perspective):
Anthony Williams believes that the Epstein Barr Virus is also responsible for the millions of thyroid disease sufferers. I read an estimated 27 million Americans have some form of thyroid disease with a total of 13 million undiagnosed. Why is thyroid disease so common?. If Anthony is correct about EBV causing thyroid disease, the Epstein Barr Virus could be the physical representation of the unconscious death urge physicalized.
Autoimmune diseases attack the body. It is like a war within the body where it appears the body is killing itself. The unconscious death urge is part of the human blueprint. I think it is safe to say that humans come in with the fear of death. Most, if not all humans come in pre-loaded with the fear of death. It can be enforced and reenforced once we get to earth by what we experience. Also installed is an unconscious death urge. This sets up a dynamic of being afraid to die but at the same time, wanting to die.
This unconscious death urge is dormant until activated. What would activate an unconscious death urge or an unconscious wish to die? Events which create fear, unhappiness, loss, dis-ease...aka, a shitty life. Perhaps some are more impervious to events than others to having their unconscious death urge triggered. Enter a chronic state of fear, unhappiness, loss, dis-ease...aka, awakening.
When light workers or humans start to awaken, that triggers loss. The saying goes "on my way to awakening, I lost everything". The amount of stress placed on the human to change in order to awaken can be excruciating. You will engage all of your cycles. Life will no longer be just about survival. When you strip it all back, we get to death. Do you want to live? One can come to terms with the fear of death but still have an old program of the unconscious death urge running in the background. We can have a belief in death because that is what we see. The death urge preinstalled gives us a way out if we have had too much life and want an escape route. It also is part of the human condition to die. However, if we release the unconscious death urge, by making it conscious, we can embrace that death is a choice to die. It is not something which happens to us (unless it is unconscious). We can choose death, consciously. Which is mind blowing to some because some are so afraid to die that they want to live forever in the same old body with the self that inhabits that body.
And so, my friends, make the unconscious death urge, conscious. Stop the war within yourself. Afraid to live and afraid to die. End it. Choose life. Choose to live and choose to die. Get out of the old human programming. Don't be a "victim" of not choosing.
I just don't think one can eat enough fruits and vegetables to shut down an unconscious war against yourself. That is what an autoimmune disease is- and all the fruits, vegetables, supplements, acupuncture, deep tissues massages, yoga, crystals, channeling, etc is not going to be a force against the unconscious death urge. I know, because this is where I have been. These tools only helped me stay alive so that I could finally bring this unconscious death urge to light and choose life.
And as with all circles, when you choose life you choose death. Isn't that the dickens? No more fear. Choose love. All is love. Your life has been chosen with love. Walk in the shoes of love which are even more satisfying than all the John Fluevog shoes you can find on sale.
Sunday, August 10, 2014
Lions Gate: not for pussies
Started feeling the effects of the Lion's Gate, 8/8/14, about a week before. Physically, I was grounding energies. It felt like spinning energy of a portal and made me feel ungrounded. Per usual, I was seduced into not being prepared for what was to come after the early energies made their way in. As the 8/8 got closer, I became exhausted and spent a couple days on the couch after work. Friday was the 8/8 and Saturday had me sleeping almost the entire day. I am not sure why I even bothered to try and pretend I had a life. My life was reduced to short bursts of activity and then back for a nap. Belly side up.
There was also some muck which this portal dug up with its centrifuge motion, slinging it up to be released. Old patterns of "love".
My teacher, Story Waters, presented in his StorySun Show on Saturday some old patterns in which he was dealing and what he found was a judgement against unconsciousness at the heart of it all. That has to be the mother of all judgements. Sort of like a root judgement as it then can branch out to so many areas and situations. This has been a judgement I have carried most of my life. I can easily see the heart of a situation and when people don't behave "right", it makes me annoyed, frustrated, and angry. I felt stuck because I did not know how to express the issue and get the other person to see it. If they could see it, would they be behaving in this way? Perhaps. Certainly, though, if you can't see what you are doing then you are unlikely to be able to have it pointed out to you. Until you are ready. There are those that probably do see the issue but still chose to behave in that manner anyway for they believe their behavior serves them. They do not see very far down the line, short sightedness.
I do hold people to a high standard of behavior. And get mad when they fall short. I take great care in my life to be conscious and come from a high level of integrity. However, we are all blind in some areas. On purpose, and that judgement is a self judgement of my own self imposed blindness. It is still difficult for me to come to terms with why I would have chosen to marry a psychopath. There was no other excuse other than self imposed blindness. I am still waiting for my life to unfold and show me why I chose it. If I knew, then it would be much easier to accept. I did it for this reason ____________ fill in the blank. Maybe it is just obvious and I am missing it. Perhaps it is not a bigger reason than who I am because of it. Or to have the experience of losing everything (everything is a bit dramatic but a whole god damn lot).
Today, Sunday 8/10/14, brought the awareness and integration. Also came with it is my energy back. I was able to swim for a hour. The biggest joy in my life was exercise and this ascension process has stolen that from me. Especially the last two years has ripped my passion for physical play from me. It has been about 7 years though which left me sidelined due to injuries and exhaustion. However, today was amazing. As I got the exercise buzz on, I bathed in it. It is like having an abducted child return. You knew it was alive, never gave up searching, and then it appears. (Still, a dramatic comparison but exercise was my joy). It was all I had in this world when things got rough. I could always depend on my body.
It is time for the crystalline body to be activated and the Lion's Gate was the portal to begin the ignition. It had to spin the crystalline structure which is what causes the activation. This will be the new hu-man, the body is changing and this marks the release from dross, 3-D to 5-D. There will still be some bumps in the road as this energy makes it way through the earth plane but let us just say it is time. The ignition has set fire to the old world. At it disappears you will lose more memories. It will be as if there is no past. The sun is burning the old world to the ground and it will be like the Phoenix rising from the ashes. Those that have given their lives to be released in the fire, to ashes, will rise to be reborn. Literally, you are rebirthing yourselves. This process which started in 1999 when the first call went out, has been lengthy. As it took many years to unwind yourselves. You have been in this extensive rewinding/rewiring process. The body will now start to youthen as it loses its hold on 3-D reality. There will be new rules in this new reality and you all will love playing in the playground. You all have taken different routes to get here and have landed in different spots, so to speak, sprinkled in various states of evolution of consciousness. Meaning, there is always more room for growth, no matter who you are. If you are human, there will always be more. But you have jumped time lines and dimensions so it will bring with it new levels of consciousness. Things that used to work, will no longer. It will be a fun time for people and frustrating to some as they learn to release what brought them to this point. It is time to play. The world is anew and we are here to celebrate your arrival. Be aware of your judgements as they are deep. It is easy to slip back into unconsciousness but you will find out quickly that you have for you will get burned and you will be able to connect the dots. Things are easier this way. Follow your hearts. Follow your joys. Release your past as it releases you. Love Love Love. Be more of who you are for it is beautiful.
There was also some muck which this portal dug up with its centrifuge motion, slinging it up to be released. Old patterns of "love".
My teacher, Story Waters, presented in his StorySun Show on Saturday some old patterns in which he was dealing and what he found was a judgement against unconsciousness at the heart of it all. That has to be the mother of all judgements. Sort of like a root judgement as it then can branch out to so many areas and situations. This has been a judgement I have carried most of my life. I can easily see the heart of a situation and when people don't behave "right", it makes me annoyed, frustrated, and angry. I felt stuck because I did not know how to express the issue and get the other person to see it. If they could see it, would they be behaving in this way? Perhaps. Certainly, though, if you can't see what you are doing then you are unlikely to be able to have it pointed out to you. Until you are ready. There are those that probably do see the issue but still chose to behave in that manner anyway for they believe their behavior serves them. They do not see very far down the line, short sightedness.
I do hold people to a high standard of behavior. And get mad when they fall short. I take great care in my life to be conscious and come from a high level of integrity. However, we are all blind in some areas. On purpose, and that judgement is a self judgement of my own self imposed blindness. It is still difficult for me to come to terms with why I would have chosen to marry a psychopath. There was no other excuse other than self imposed blindness. I am still waiting for my life to unfold and show me why I chose it. If I knew, then it would be much easier to accept. I did it for this reason ____________ fill in the blank. Maybe it is just obvious and I am missing it. Perhaps it is not a bigger reason than who I am because of it. Or to have the experience of losing everything (everything is a bit dramatic but a whole god damn lot).
Today, Sunday 8/10/14, brought the awareness and integration. Also came with it is my energy back. I was able to swim for a hour. The biggest joy in my life was exercise and this ascension process has stolen that from me. Especially the last two years has ripped my passion for physical play from me. It has been about 7 years though which left me sidelined due to injuries and exhaustion. However, today was amazing. As I got the exercise buzz on, I bathed in it. It is like having an abducted child return. You knew it was alive, never gave up searching, and then it appears. (Still, a dramatic comparison but exercise was my joy). It was all I had in this world when things got rough. I could always depend on my body.
It is time for the crystalline body to be activated and the Lion's Gate was the portal to begin the ignition. It had to spin the crystalline structure which is what causes the activation. This will be the new hu-man, the body is changing and this marks the release from dross, 3-D to 5-D. There will still be some bumps in the road as this energy makes it way through the earth plane but let us just say it is time. The ignition has set fire to the old world. At it disappears you will lose more memories. It will be as if there is no past. The sun is burning the old world to the ground and it will be like the Phoenix rising from the ashes. Those that have given their lives to be released in the fire, to ashes, will rise to be reborn. Literally, you are rebirthing yourselves. This process which started in 1999 when the first call went out, has been lengthy. As it took many years to unwind yourselves. You have been in this extensive rewinding/rewiring process. The body will now start to youthen as it loses its hold on 3-D reality. There will be new rules in this new reality and you all will love playing in the playground. You all have taken different routes to get here and have landed in different spots, so to speak, sprinkled in various states of evolution of consciousness. Meaning, there is always more room for growth, no matter who you are. If you are human, there will always be more. But you have jumped time lines and dimensions so it will bring with it new levels of consciousness. Things that used to work, will no longer. It will be a fun time for people and frustrating to some as they learn to release what brought them to this point. It is time to play. The world is anew and we are here to celebrate your arrival. Be aware of your judgements as they are deep. It is easy to slip back into unconsciousness but you will find out quickly that you have for you will get burned and you will be able to connect the dots. Things are easier this way. Follow your hearts. Follow your joys. Release your past as it releases you. Love Love Love. Be more of who you are for it is beautiful.
Saturday, August 9, 2014
Love or Blindness?
Oracle: Do you know what that means?
[points to a banner]
Oracle: It means know thy self. I wanna tell you a little secret, being the one is just like being in love. No one needs to tell you you are in love, you just know it, through and through.
What is this that has a hold on me? What do you do with a love so deep that it grabs you and won't let you go? What is this yearning to wrap myself around him? This desire that has exploded and imploded within my heart? Where has this come from? Is it real? Is it true? Is it just some old conditioning or pattern?
My brain tells me it is ridiculous but my heart won't let go. How has this happened with no warning? Is it destiny or weakness? What have I done?
Trinity: Neo, I'm not afraid anymore. The Oracle told me that I would fall in love and that that man... the man that I loved would be The One. So you see, you can't be dead. You can't be... because I love you. You hear me? I love you.
[Trinity kisses Neo; Neo's vital signs return]
Trinity: Now get up!
The New Human-New or Enhanced Abilities with Chaz
I was talking with my pool guy Chaz today. He was offering me financial advice on how not to pay state income tax. We had been discussing his job and income as a pool cleaner. He has plans to move to Costa Rica in December. There is a huge difference between our salaries, yet he thought he had found a wonderful trick to share with me regarding taxes. I do not know if he really understood the principle as to why you can opt out of paying state income tax-if you believe you will not make cut off to file. However, he was giving me advice as if our financial situations were the same. I found it interesting that he did not even consider there could be a difference and maybe this was associated with a lack of understanding about why he was able to avoiding having taxes taken out of his paycheck.
As I was processing all of this, and it happens so fast when I am in a discussion with someone; I can travel to their POV, point of view and thus have the conversation because it is as if I am stood in their shoes. I can converse with them because I understand the reasoning. I am there with them. I think this may also be the reason he felt we were the same when he gave me the financial advice because he felt me as him.
I have always had this ability to see inside someone else, feel for them, and understand what they are communicating. But I am just recognizing that this ability has opened even further. Without notice, really. I actually travel to their POV and I am with them. I get it.
I told Chaz that I am more "traceable" than he. Which was the perfect answer since it spoke to what he was really up to. Making his money and then splitting to Costa Rica, to which he commented he had no plans on coming back to Arizona.
Then his phone rang and I looked up in the sky as I was confused because his ring tone was a quacking duck. I am from the mid west where ducks are going or coming depending on the season and it was confusing to me being in Arizona where it is smoking hot. The humor being that I have been playing with ducks as being a "sign" from my guidance recently. The duck sound being odd in Arizona and it being a personal sign for me, put focus on my consciousness. I was being shown where I was, so to speak. There was part of me connected into Chaz but I had become unconscious of that happening. It was akin to waking inside a dream and realizing you are dreaming Becoming lucid. Pretty cool.
Mean while, my pool is green and I have to call him tomorrow morning to let him know if he needs to come back.
As I was processing all of this, and it happens so fast when I am in a discussion with someone; I can travel to their POV, point of view and thus have the conversation because it is as if I am stood in their shoes. I can converse with them because I understand the reasoning. I am there with them. I think this may also be the reason he felt we were the same when he gave me the financial advice because he felt me as him.
I have always had this ability to see inside someone else, feel for them, and understand what they are communicating. But I am just recognizing that this ability has opened even further. Without notice, really. I actually travel to their POV and I am with them. I get it.
I told Chaz that I am more "traceable" than he. Which was the perfect answer since it spoke to what he was really up to. Making his money and then splitting to Costa Rica, to which he commented he had no plans on coming back to Arizona.
Then his phone rang and I looked up in the sky as I was confused because his ring tone was a quacking duck. I am from the mid west where ducks are going or coming depending on the season and it was confusing to me being in Arizona where it is smoking hot. The humor being that I have been playing with ducks as being a "sign" from my guidance recently. The duck sound being odd in Arizona and it being a personal sign for me, put focus on my consciousness. I was being shown where I was, so to speak. There was part of me connected into Chaz but I had become unconscious of that happening. It was akin to waking inside a dream and realizing you are dreaming Becoming lucid. Pretty cool.
Mean while, my pool is green and I have to call him tomorrow morning to let him know if he needs to come back.
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
The fifth. Not Seeing Colour
This seems like the right place/space for this writing.
Recently, I moved and started a new job which means that everyone I meet is new to me. I have had two unique experiences which are linked to the fifth dimension.
The first incident occurred about a week or two before the retreat, sometime in early March. I was talking to a person at work and she made reference to the fact, pointed out to me, that another individual is black or African American. It never occurred to me that this person was African American until this reference was made. I had to visualize the person and was taken back when I became aware that I never had any recognition of her ethnicity.
The second incident occurred yesterday, March 31. I was talking with my boss who decided to show me all of the pics on her phone of her grandchild brood. While I love a good baby pic and the joy expressed from grandparents, all I wanted to do was get home for an appointment with the dishwasher repairman. She kept flipping through her pics, sooooo many grandchildren, a freaking brood of grandchildren. Somewhere in the menagerie of pics depicting children ages infant through adolescence, pops up a family pic in which she calls my attention. I am told, as she points to the 9 or 10 year old in the picture that "he is half negro" (is negro capitalized?) What follows is then an explanation of how the boy was abandoned by his biological father.
Then it occurs to me (after my brain exploded from hearing negro or Negro, IDK) that had she not pointed out the fact that he is black, then I would not have noticed. It did not register.
What links both of these experiences is that it was as if the person whom I was speaking with knew they had to point it out for me. They pointed it out as the color of the skin or ethnicity was a part of their story.
It occurred to me later this morning that this is what it must be like in the fifth dimension, to not see colour. There have been references throughout the ages of not seeing skin color but what does that really mean? The closest I have gotten is that I notice and appreciate different cultures and ethnicities. I have always enjoyed and embraced being around people of different races but I always noticed it to appreciate it. Not seeing color meant to me that you treated people the same regardless of skin color, to be accepting of all while scouring my mind for any unconscious judgments.
Today I had an awareness that I tasted the fifth. How do you not see color when you physically see color. It reminded me of the difference between someone who learns a second language and has to translate to their own language first to understand versus no translation required. The language is just there as it is with your native language.
When I reflected on this insight that I was given the experience to see with the eyes of love, tears streamed down my face. What an amazing feeling as I was filled with gratitude and love wash. I very much like this fifth dimension. It feels like a shift of attention/focus somehow. As a child would say to something they enjoyed,……. AGAIN!
Sunday, September 8, 2013
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