Born Again

Awoke this morning with the song "Time For Me to Fly" by REO Speedwagon in my head. Asked Alexa to shuffle and the song finally showed itself. As I was listening, it was clear that most of my important relationships came to this point. Where I had been drained of my love and finally decided I had enough. This was no awakening as it has been evident for a long time that I was raised co-dependent or self love deficient (Ross Rosenberg). Giving my love away for mere crumbs in return. Didn't matter if it was marriage, friend, or boss. And when I quit giving, they would force their way to continue to get their supply. When I didn't give willingly they increased the force to steal from me. There would be an inevitable power struggle finally forcing me to leave.

Then, the next meaning revealed itself. Time For Me to Fly- away. From here, from humans, from earth. From mass consciousness. I am ready to untether myself. "I've had enough of the falseness of this worn out relation." In fact, I've had enough for many years. Don't know why I have been in this holding pattern. Maybe it just wasn't time yet. Maybe I arrived too soon. Maybe there is something to circling. Maybe it just wasn't fucking time, for whatever reason.

The last three years has sent me on a physical journey. I knew the last thing that I hadn't given up was what I put into my body. Received a post card which read change or descent into sickness. I picked change. It was and is difficult. I have spent this time immersing myself in feeding and caring for my body. I'm tired of it. Just tired. It is difficult to stay on the road when there isn't a lot of progress you can see. Still, left with not much choice. No choice really to turn around. No where else to go. The other way isn't an option.

I believe that the last test for enlightenment is physical. Through illness, usually. We all get sick. We have to fight for our lives. Some don't make it. Don't know why. Maybe it was time. I certainly understand giving up or surrendering to the process. Whatever the end result will be. Surrender goes by in many ways. You pluck it out of the sky for relief. But then are asked to put the process on repeat. There are many times where I feel I have been here. Only to repeat again. I feel I am out of surrender options-at the end of the playlist.

All I know is I am feeling strongly "It's Time For Me to Fly."