A facebook friend said Peace be with you, to me, the other day and it had a surprise affect on me. It reminded me of attending Catholic mass. In the mass, almost at the end of it, the priest says "Peace be with you" and the crowd murmurs "and also with you". The priest says something else and then the attendees start shaking each others hands and saying "peace be with you" to one another. First, they handshake the people in their immediate vicinity, sometimes offering a kiss to a loved one. Then, they extend their "peace" to people behind them, in front of and diagonal to them.
I DREADED this in the mass. I wanted to just hide, but oh no, without fail, there they were glad handing you. It felt so awful. On the surface, it would seem that this would be a fun time to extend a good word to your neighbor but it never felt fun to me. Maybe it was just all too fake. Not sure. I just know I hated it, every single time, without fail. The relief I felt when it was over was constant. This also marked the almost end of the service so it meant freedom to me and after suffering through the "peacing" a rush of excitement for the rush to the door insued. My obligation over.
I was baptized catholic as an infant by my biological mother and so the catholics "claimed" me. I was raised by a step grandmother who was not catholic nor espoused any beliefs or practice in religion (none I can remember). I remember attending different denominational churches with friends throughout my childhood and adolescence. I even rode a bus to a baptist church during the grade school years, often times, by myself. I had a draw towards god, I guess. I don't think it was taught to me. It was an inward seeking that I had since I was young. The church did instill fear and guilt as to what was right and wrong and for not attending.
In college I abandoned attending any church. I went on to gain great satisfaction from long distance running. It was a form of meditating for me and I often found great peace in running and a connection to my inner wisdom. Then I learned to meditate with a mantra and loved it. Too much really, for I could spend hours meditating-in which I was probably using it to escape from life.
From meditating to a real soul searching where I started to read and devour many books written on the broader subject of spirituality. This opened up so many doors and I enjoyed my dive into the spiritual arts. It was a grand time and I felt such passion to learn and absorb anything which resonated. It felt wonderful to expand my beliefs and grow in my connection and understanding of Source.
I have a deep connection to Source. I have always had a deep connection to Source. "Something" has always guided me. Having a childhood which was bathed in religion and different denominational churches has given me a unique perspective. I have a understanding of what churches teach. I don't remember who said it but a quote I like is one that said "to be born in a church is good but to die in one is not" - something to that effect.
I cannot believe how many people have not grown out of their church. It is hard for me to understand how grown adults can believe in the devil,hell or sin. They will defend their views until the day they die. They will also kill for their ideals. It's shocking at how closed minded about the subject they are and not questioning any of what they have been taught.
I am not an atheist, but I love them. I love them because they make me think. I love their logic and their questioning. A lot of the questioning is pointed directly at church dogma and I particularly love that part. There is a lot of truth to what they say. Atheists, don't usually, use their non belief in god to affect other peoples lives though. As opposed to christians who try and regulate their belief into everything and anything that isn't any of their business. From homosexuality to prayer in schools, to abortion-just this crusade to cram their beliefs down other people throats. I say live your own life. Leave other people out of it. Clean up your own life. Adopt a child (you won't). Quit being judgemental (no way Jose). Be honest with yourself and quit projecting all of your fears and dark aspects of yourself onto others (that's a good one). You see, that is what spirituality is, taking a good look at yourself, the light and the dark parts and loving yourself. Really loving yourself back together. Diving into my fears, shame, guilt, and judgements has changed me forever. It has been an ever continuing process that has taken me into the depths of my being. Taking responsibility for everything, and I mean everything, no exceptions, in my life-knowing it is there because I chose it is difficult but it is a knowing that it is true to me. And with this knowing, it opens up such possibility.
Not sure why I have chosen the path that I have regarding religion and spirituality. I am certain there is a reason for it that maybe I can be a bridge for people looking for something else. That perhaps they have gone as far as they can in their religion or church and when that crisis happens, and they are looking for something else, something deeper, wider, that I may be of assistance. I don't care one way or the other. I am good with allowing everyone their own god space. I am on no mission. That is so arrogant and judgemental. Those missionaries are the worst. Offering to save people from starvation by giving them food with the small print of cramming their god down starving people's throats. How about just feeding them and giving them medication with no other agenda. Missionaries with this agenda can all go to hell in my book-haha.
Beautiful!
ReplyDelete