Balance-the zero point

Funny, haha funny, how if you pay attention, you will find how things which show up in our outside world are a reflection of what is going on inside of us, emotionally/energetically. Today was one of those ah ha moments where I felt like a real doofus for not seeing it before I did.

I had made an appointment to take my BMW in to have it serviced for I noticed that the sound on the right side of the car speaker was louder than the sound on the left side of the car speaker. Of course I had to read the manual, as I always do on this car, to find out how to manipulate the balance on the speakers. Once located, it was verified that, indeed my left speaker was putting out less sound than the right speaker. The sound in my car was out of balance.

When the ah ha moment occurred, I began to see the balance bar from the sound in the speakers, superimposed over my qualities. Responsibility came up. While this may seem like a good quality to have, it also has its dark side. Being over responsible is just as out of balance as being under responsible. It is even trickier to be over responsible as it seems so "good". While the under responsible are going around shirking their duties and blaming others, it is pretty easy to see. Even for those doing it. Not so easy to see for those of us who are ultra responsible, taking more than our fair share of responsibility. It wasn't like I was lining up asking for more responsibility, I was just always the one left holding the bag.

Patience is another one. Every fiber in my being wants to scream when I hear someone say "patience" as if it is a virtue. I have been patient my entire life. Waiting. I have been waiting and waiting and waiting. When I finally speak up for myself and someone says to be patient, in a condescending tone, I get angry. You see, you can have too much patience. I have a sense that when I was abandoned by my biological mother at the age of one, that she told me she would come back for me. The person who raised me told me that my mother had indeed, said this to her. When do you quit waiting for a promise that you can't remember-a promise that isn't conscious so you don't know that it is there to confront in yourself? I waited 45 years and didn't even know I was waiting. So don't tell me to be patient.

This belief has to go. There is a balance to patience. There is a balance to responsibility. There is a balance to everything. All qualities are neutral - we decide their "goodness" or "badness". One is not better than the other. I think it has to do more with the zero point. The balance point of each quality. Never too much on one end of the polarity. Just like Southern California, a perfect 70 degrees.