Funny, haha funny, how if you pay attention, you will find how things which show up in our outside world are a reflection of what is going on inside of us, emotionally/energetically. Today was one of those ah ha moments where I felt like a real doofus for not seeing it before I did.
I had made an appointment to take my BMW in to have it serviced for I noticed that the sound on the right side of the car speaker was louder than the sound on the left side of the car speaker. Of course I had to read the manual, as I always do on this car, to find out how to manipulate the balance on the speakers. Once located, it was verified that, indeed my left speaker was putting out less sound than the right speaker. The sound in my car was out of balance.
When the ah ha moment occurred, I began to see the balance bar from the sound in the speakers, superimposed over my qualities. Responsibility came up. While this may seem like a good quality to have, it also has its dark side. Being over responsible is just as out of balance as being under responsible. It is even trickier to be over responsible as it seems so "good". While the under responsible are going around shirking their duties and blaming others, it is pretty easy to see. Even for those doing it. Not so easy to see for those of us who are ultra responsible, taking more than our fair share of responsibility. It wasn't like I was lining up asking for more responsibility, I was just always the one left holding the bag.
Patience is another one. Every fiber in my being wants to scream when I hear someone say "patience" as if it is a virtue. I have been patient my entire life. Waiting. I have been waiting and waiting and waiting. When I finally speak up for myself and someone says to be patient, in a condescending tone, I get angry. You see, you can have too much patience. I have a sense that when I was abandoned by my biological mother at the age of one, that she told me she would come back for me. The person who raised me told me that my mother had indeed, said this to her. When do you quit waiting for a promise that you can't remember-a promise that isn't conscious so you don't know that it is there to confront in yourself? I waited 45 years and didn't even know I was waiting. So don't tell me to be patient.
This belief has to go. There is a balance to patience. There is a balance to responsibility. There is a balance to everything. All qualities are neutral - we decide their "goodness" or "badness". One is not better than the other. I think it has to do more with the zero point. The balance point of each quality. Never too much on one end of the polarity. Just like Southern California, a perfect 70 degrees.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Monday, December 19, 2011
Retarded Empath
This morning was one of those half in and half out realities as I was semi conscious but still somewhat dream like. What came to me was a discussion in my head about empathy. I am an empath, a seriously retarded empath. It has been my journey to understand where I stop and others begin. How would I know that this was not the way it was for everyone for I can only have my experience (while having others experiences because I can feel them). But, if you follow me, this state of non definition of self lends itself as my experience. Even though I can actually feel into others experiences and feelings, it is coming from my point of perception. It is all me baby. Probably the closest way to get to experience another is to have this "skill set". Most people cannot do this. Most can imagine how others feel or relate to others because they have had the same experience. The same experience is never the same experience, however, because it of the uniqueness of the point of perception. Insert snowflake analogy here.
As with everything on this earth plane, everything has it's "good" side and everything has it's so called "bad" side. When you slide the dial toward one end of the polar opposite it changes the quality. We are all just a bunch of slide bars of qualities. Even a hardened quality such as male and female contains this dial. Look at how some women can appear more male like and vice versa. I say please just don't give me the mustache :)
Back to being an empath. What you get is the ability for extreme compassion. Abilities to understand people, which can aid in communication, right? Except the down side to all of this chummy chum chum is that when I know how someone else is going to react and I feel that reaction very deeply, it can affect how I communicate. Fear of reaction because I can feel how the other person is feeling. Ok, joy is usually not the reaction which causes fear. It is usually anger, hurt, rejection, these reactions which come back at me and I feel them. Other people don't know ahead of time what the reaction will be and if they do, they certainly don't internalize it as their own emotions. Other people do not feel the other person so deeply that their hurt and anger feels like your own.
When you can feel that your mother is angry, upset, or hurting as a child, what do you do? You ignore your own needs, that is what you do. You do not bother your mother, even though it is her "job" to nurture and care for you by putting aside her own needs for awhile. No, you begin to believe that your needs do not matter. There are master manipulators out there who take advantage of empaths, like myself. They read the person and then start emotionally manipulating them. For example, I had a two year marriage to a psychopath. Obviously, didn't know it at the time. This person was the exact opposite of myself. Psychopaths cannot feel empathy. Everything is focused on themselves. The world revolves around them and they will take what they want no matter who gets hurt. What a perfect match up. A psychopath and an empath. If you know anything about psychopaths, you understand that these are the folks who will stop at nothing to get what they want. They do not hesitate to lie, manipulate and steal all the while charming you to death. The first thing they do is create a bond with you. They make you believe they are like you. Then they scan you for what they deem weaknesses and use them against you. The psychopath and the empath, two polar opposites. This was the last learning experience I needed in order to find myself. I made hay and did it.
What I saw and felt this morning is that the first half of my life had to do with feeling the difference between myself and others. Knowing the difference. Knowing where I stop and other people begin. For this retarded empath is about to become even more retarded. For with great gifts come great responsibility. I am not going back to center on this. I am learning to keep my balance between myself and others while going even deeper into empath city. My abilities to feel into people are going to increase. The more I can find my balance, the more I can feel into others and the more I can offer the gift I have been given. Not sure where this is all leading, but I am pretty sure it is going in this direction. Finally, getting some glimpse of why I went through that horrible psychopath experience. Never judge anything, right? Now, back to working on trusting myself even deeper to bring me exactly what I need, even when it hurts.
As with everything on this earth plane, everything has it's "good" side and everything has it's so called "bad" side. When you slide the dial toward one end of the polar opposite it changes the quality. We are all just a bunch of slide bars of qualities. Even a hardened quality such as male and female contains this dial. Look at how some women can appear more male like and vice versa. I say please just don't give me the mustache :)
Back to being an empath. What you get is the ability for extreme compassion. Abilities to understand people, which can aid in communication, right? Except the down side to all of this chummy chum chum is that when I know how someone else is going to react and I feel that reaction very deeply, it can affect how I communicate. Fear of reaction because I can feel how the other person is feeling. Ok, joy is usually not the reaction which causes fear. It is usually anger, hurt, rejection, these reactions which come back at me and I feel them. Other people don't know ahead of time what the reaction will be and if they do, they certainly don't internalize it as their own emotions. Other people do not feel the other person so deeply that their hurt and anger feels like your own.
When you can feel that your mother is angry, upset, or hurting as a child, what do you do? You ignore your own needs, that is what you do. You do not bother your mother, even though it is her "job" to nurture and care for you by putting aside her own needs for awhile. No, you begin to believe that your needs do not matter. There are master manipulators out there who take advantage of empaths, like myself. They read the person and then start emotionally manipulating them. For example, I had a two year marriage to a psychopath. Obviously, didn't know it at the time. This person was the exact opposite of myself. Psychopaths cannot feel empathy. Everything is focused on themselves. The world revolves around them and they will take what they want no matter who gets hurt. What a perfect match up. A psychopath and an empath. If you know anything about psychopaths, you understand that these are the folks who will stop at nothing to get what they want. They do not hesitate to lie, manipulate and steal all the while charming you to death. The first thing they do is create a bond with you. They make you believe they are like you. Then they scan you for what they deem weaknesses and use them against you. The psychopath and the empath, two polar opposites. This was the last learning experience I needed in order to find myself. I made hay and did it.
What I saw and felt this morning is that the first half of my life had to do with feeling the difference between myself and others. Knowing the difference. Knowing where I stop and other people begin. For this retarded empath is about to become even more retarded. For with great gifts come great responsibility. I am not going back to center on this. I am learning to keep my balance between myself and others while going even deeper into empath city. My abilities to feel into people are going to increase. The more I can find my balance, the more I can feel into others and the more I can offer the gift I have been given. Not sure where this is all leading, but I am pretty sure it is going in this direction. Finally, getting some glimpse of why I went through that horrible psychopath experience. Never judge anything, right? Now, back to working on trusting myself even deeper to bring me exactly what I need, even when it hurts.
Sunday, December 18, 2011
30 Pieces of Silver
No one comes to this earth perfect for there would be no reason to come to earth. We are each divinely perfectly imperfect, for a reason. We are here in joy, yes, but the joy is in our creations, in what we come up with, so to speak, based on our imperfect combinations. We all have pieces missing on purpose, blind spots, because without these missing pieces we would all be the same, just like from whence we came. Of course, that being source. We all came from source and source is perfect. So we are perfect because we came form source. But, we live in the illusion of earth where we are not perfect. See how perfect all of this? This enables us to play the game.
The game I have been playing is that of the biblical story of Judas and Jesus. As I remember from my God fearing days as a child, Judas sold Jesus for 12, no wait-I have to google-30 pieces of silver. This is the ultimate betrayal. He sells the son of god for a bit of money. There are different versions and reasons cited for this, as this is the bible after all, but the main point being that it is betrayal. But who betrayed whom?
Judas betrayed himself and Jesus self sacrificed himself, that is the point. It is the same, betrayal.
One of my survival skills in life, coming from abandonment and abuse, was that the only way I could get even a smidgen of my needs met, was to give. If I wanted food, shelter, and the mecca of all the needs, love, I had to give something. Giving meaning my energy. Giving energy comes in many forms. Everything is energy says Einstein. Obvious forms of energy in terms of giving are physical things. Here's some food, shelter, clothes, and money. The not as obvious forms of energy are attention, love, sexual gratifications, those of the emotional world. Doing what the other person wants, pleasing others.
I learned how to please others on many levels. I am the best. Lots of people in my life, let's call them master manipulators and some even perpetrators, I attracted into my life. Being highly empathic, really contributed to the ability to read others and give them what they wanted. Of course, this was not conscious for most of the years of my life. I have been consciously working with it for the last 8 years or so. It is a part of the martyr energy of the jesus christ story. Was Jesus not the martyr as he died to save the world? How do you save the world by dying? Yes, this is what I was doing. I was dying. I had given bits and pieces of myself to many people. Some manipulated it out of me and some just took it when I said no. And some, a combination of both. Some was willing. It wasn't that easy to see because I did set up boundaries and said no when I saw what was going on, but it went much deeper than that.
I had a belief that to give was better than to receive. I have learned that giving is not better than receiving as the well has to have a source of water. If I keep dipping into the well over and over again and it doesn't rain or something is preventing the water from seeping into the well, then the well runs dry. In order for the well to continue to have water, then it has to be filled. I was not filling my well and it ran dry. It ran dry, people. I have learned that there is no endlessness to the waters if I do not fill it myself. If I fill my well first, then I have plenty to share.
I am jesus and I am judas. I am jesus as I gave and gave and gave, and sacrificed myself. I am judas as I betrayed myself for 30 pieces of silver, actually I betrayed myself for a lot less. When I gave more of my energy to others than giving to myself or giving a piece of myself for the hope of some love in return, I betrayed myself.
Thanks a lot jesus and judas, that really sucked. I'll be having no more of that in life as I see it clearly now. I reclaim all of the pieces of silver I have given away. I call them back to myself. Thank you to all for pretending to own them, but they are mine and no one can ever take anything away from another being. I love my pieces. I forgive myself for giving them away and forgive those who took them. I am healing the judas/jesus polarity inside myself. I collapse the polarity. My well runs full and free. I drink first and have plenty to share. I am saved because I saved myself.
The game I have been playing is that of the biblical story of Judas and Jesus. As I remember from my God fearing days as a child, Judas sold Jesus for 12, no wait-I have to google-30 pieces of silver. This is the ultimate betrayal. He sells the son of god for a bit of money. There are different versions and reasons cited for this, as this is the bible after all, but the main point being that it is betrayal. But who betrayed whom?
Judas betrayed himself and Jesus self sacrificed himself, that is the point. It is the same, betrayal.
One of my survival skills in life, coming from abandonment and abuse, was that the only way I could get even a smidgen of my needs met, was to give. If I wanted food, shelter, and the mecca of all the needs, love, I had to give something. Giving meaning my energy. Giving energy comes in many forms. Everything is energy says Einstein. Obvious forms of energy in terms of giving are physical things. Here's some food, shelter, clothes, and money. The not as obvious forms of energy are attention, love, sexual gratifications, those of the emotional world. Doing what the other person wants, pleasing others.
I learned how to please others on many levels. I am the best. Lots of people in my life, let's call them master manipulators and some even perpetrators, I attracted into my life. Being highly empathic, really contributed to the ability to read others and give them what they wanted. Of course, this was not conscious for most of the years of my life. I have been consciously working with it for the last 8 years or so. It is a part of the martyr energy of the jesus christ story. Was Jesus not the martyr as he died to save the world? How do you save the world by dying? Yes, this is what I was doing. I was dying. I had given bits and pieces of myself to many people. Some manipulated it out of me and some just took it when I said no. And some, a combination of both. Some was willing. It wasn't that easy to see because I did set up boundaries and said no when I saw what was going on, but it went much deeper than that.
I had a belief that to give was better than to receive. I have learned that giving is not better than receiving as the well has to have a source of water. If I keep dipping into the well over and over again and it doesn't rain or something is preventing the water from seeping into the well, then the well runs dry. In order for the well to continue to have water, then it has to be filled. I was not filling my well and it ran dry. It ran dry, people. I have learned that there is no endlessness to the waters if I do not fill it myself. If I fill my well first, then I have plenty to share.
I am jesus and I am judas. I am jesus as I gave and gave and gave, and sacrificed myself. I am judas as I betrayed myself for 30 pieces of silver, actually I betrayed myself for a lot less. When I gave more of my energy to others than giving to myself or giving a piece of myself for the hope of some love in return, I betrayed myself.
Thanks a lot jesus and judas, that really sucked. I'll be having no more of that in life as I see it clearly now. I reclaim all of the pieces of silver I have given away. I call them back to myself. Thank you to all for pretending to own them, but they are mine and no one can ever take anything away from another being. I love my pieces. I forgive myself for giving them away and forgive those who took them. I am healing the judas/jesus polarity inside myself. I collapse the polarity. My well runs full and free. I drink first and have plenty to share. I am saved because I saved myself.
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Ascention December 2011
The 11-11-11 is almost a month behind us and today I was hit with the mother load of ascension symptoms. All of them, at once, clamoring together like a family reunion. Writers, far more attuned than I, have talked about the ascension process and the phys-i-cal-ness of it. It is not just a spiritual process but a physical process as well. The physical part being the rough stuff because we are taking our bodies with us.
It started on Sunday, November 3, 2011 when I had what I refer to as a "couch" day. If I make it to the couch that means I have good intentions to do something with the day. But then that sleepiness comes over me like a fog wave until I succumb to lying down and closing my eyes to end up asleep. On this particular Sunday, I napped for 4-5 hours. I call that a doozy. Then for the next couple of days, insomnia coupled with that fire. Fire all over my body-not sweating, just heat, especially up and down my spine. The trick is how to position the sheet so I can cover a few body parts like feet and chest while releasing the heat. This heat will not allow me to sleep. Neither will the Tomcat who insists on lying on me for the heat source because I have the temp turned way down in the house because I am so damn hot.
Anyway, fast forward to today, Wednesday, November 7, 2011. I got up and dressed for work even though I was feeling unrested and awful. I only made it through half a day and I had to call of sick for I couldn't stay awake. Plus, I was feeling flu like. I'll spare you the details. I was feeling awful and it really really sucked. It took me until the late evening until I get up. I felt like one of those insects in a collection where that pin is stuck through it. In my case, that long needle like pin was sticking right through my head. I couldn't move and any time I tried, I ended up face down on the couch immobilized.
Not sure what inspired all of this sleep. We are almost a month past the 11-11-11 portal. The full moon is rising in a few days with an upcoming lunar eclipse but it is several days away and I am going through some sort of late to the party portal. We have the 12-12 and the solstice on their way for the month,too. I hope I get my sea legs before all of that starts up.
What shook me was that I thought we were through the worst of it but this was one of the most incapacitating energetic experiences I have had to day. It has been gathering hurricane force for the course of over 4 days. Not much more to say than the brutality of this energetic wave was ruthless.
I did see a doorway open in some sort of visual haze in the middle of the night so I am hoping that this is what it was. Funny how our appliances can mimic what's going on in our lives. My garbage disposal got clogged so much that it just quit working and needed a professional. Maybe the dross and garbage of whatever the hell is hanging around inside of me had trouble on the release end. The culprit in the garbage disposal was a mango pit. The energetic dross coming up for release is not difficult to track either.
So that is the way of it then. I live to to tell the story. I feel the story will slowly leak out of me as I feel it baring down on me for release.
It started on Sunday, November 3, 2011 when I had what I refer to as a "couch" day. If I make it to the couch that means I have good intentions to do something with the day. But then that sleepiness comes over me like a fog wave until I succumb to lying down and closing my eyes to end up asleep. On this particular Sunday, I napped for 4-5 hours. I call that a doozy. Then for the next couple of days, insomnia coupled with that fire. Fire all over my body-not sweating, just heat, especially up and down my spine. The trick is how to position the sheet so I can cover a few body parts like feet and chest while releasing the heat. This heat will not allow me to sleep. Neither will the Tomcat who insists on lying on me for the heat source because I have the temp turned way down in the house because I am so damn hot.
Anyway, fast forward to today, Wednesday, November 7, 2011. I got up and dressed for work even though I was feeling unrested and awful. I only made it through half a day and I had to call of sick for I couldn't stay awake. Plus, I was feeling flu like. I'll spare you the details. I was feeling awful and it really really sucked. It took me until the late evening until I get up. I felt like one of those insects in a collection where that pin is stuck through it. In my case, that long needle like pin was sticking right through my head. I couldn't move and any time I tried, I ended up face down on the couch immobilized.
Not sure what inspired all of this sleep. We are almost a month past the 11-11-11 portal. The full moon is rising in a few days with an upcoming lunar eclipse but it is several days away and I am going through some sort of late to the party portal. We have the 12-12 and the solstice on their way for the month,too. I hope I get my sea legs before all of that starts up.
What shook me was that I thought we were through the worst of it but this was one of the most incapacitating energetic experiences I have had to day. It has been gathering hurricane force for the course of over 4 days. Not much more to say than the brutality of this energetic wave was ruthless.
I did see a doorway open in some sort of visual haze in the middle of the night so I am hoping that this is what it was. Funny how our appliances can mimic what's going on in our lives. My garbage disposal got clogged so much that it just quit working and needed a professional. Maybe the dross and garbage of whatever the hell is hanging around inside of me had trouble on the release end. The culprit in the garbage disposal was a mango pit. The energetic dross coming up for release is not difficult to track either.
So that is the way of it then. I live to to tell the story. I feel the story will slowly leak out of me as I feel it baring down on me for release.
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Lighting of the Beacons, the 11-11-11
Today I felt a sense of freedom, unlike any I have felt before. It had to do with the 11-11-11. I finally feel free to go. "Ok folks, you are free to move about the country"-what is that line from an airline commercial. That is what is echoing through my head.
You see, all my life I have wanted to live in California. I don't know why, it was just a knowing I have had with me. When I was a child, it didn't seem real to me. Maybe one of those "ideas" in my head with nothing to hold onto. It was just a notion. After graduating from college and marrying, I tried to persuade my husband to move to California. He wasn't interested. After the two children arrived we were entrenched in family life and the community in which we lived. My dreams of California faded into the background.
The reason I am bringing all of this up is that I believe I lived in Illinois for a reason and I would not be given an opportunity to move. But today, all of that has changed.
THE BEACONS OF GONDOR
As I was processing all of the 11-11-11 energies today, I remembered a scene from Lord of the Rings, Return of the King. "The Beacons of Gondor are alight calling for aid. War is rekindled" is the reply of Gandalf to Pippin after they light the fire which then sets off a series of beacons lighting in succession, one after the other. This is what happened today. The crystal vortex fired from a certain geographical area and the rest of us earthkeepers who have been waiting eons of time for our chance to light the beacon, did our jobs. We had to be in the right location to pass the energy throughout the world. Like the series of beacons which brings aid to Roahan at Helms Deep, we brought aid to our earth. We have been positioned all around the globe for this auspicious moment in time. One after the other, passing the signal on.
For me, it has required an immense amount of grounding to carry out this task. I started putting on weight five or six years ago and was unable to release it even while being a nazi exerciser. Now I finally get it. That was a hell of a lot of charge that we passed on and it wasn't for the faint of heart. We had to get big to ground that energy, carry it and then pass it on.
As for moving from the Midwest, it wasn't going to happen. My soul had a secret it was keeping. I wasn't just here for the food. I came into this world with a limited means, just enough for survival really. It was self imposed limitation so that I would be here to anchor the energy when I was needed.
I now expect things to change. I am free to go and enjoy myself where ever my hearts a fire. I know just the place. In fact, both of my adult children are already there. How convenient is that anyway? Coincidence? I think not.
You see, all my life I have wanted to live in California. I don't know why, it was just a knowing I have had with me. When I was a child, it didn't seem real to me. Maybe one of those "ideas" in my head with nothing to hold onto. It was just a notion. After graduating from college and marrying, I tried to persuade my husband to move to California. He wasn't interested. After the two children arrived we were entrenched in family life and the community in which we lived. My dreams of California faded into the background.
The reason I am bringing all of this up is that I believe I lived in Illinois for a reason and I would not be given an opportunity to move. But today, all of that has changed.
THE BEACONS OF GONDOR
As I was processing all of the 11-11-11 energies today, I remembered a scene from Lord of the Rings, Return of the King. "The Beacons of Gondor are alight calling for aid. War is rekindled" is the reply of Gandalf to Pippin after they light the fire which then sets off a series of beacons lighting in succession, one after the other. This is what happened today. The crystal vortex fired from a certain geographical area and the rest of us earthkeepers who have been waiting eons of time for our chance to light the beacon, did our jobs. We had to be in the right location to pass the energy throughout the world. Like the series of beacons which brings aid to Roahan at Helms Deep, we brought aid to our earth. We have been positioned all around the globe for this auspicious moment in time. One after the other, passing the signal on.
For me, it has required an immense amount of grounding to carry out this task. I started putting on weight five or six years ago and was unable to release it even while being a nazi exerciser. Now I finally get it. That was a hell of a lot of charge that we passed on and it wasn't for the faint of heart. We had to get big to ground that energy, carry it and then pass it on.
As for moving from the Midwest, it wasn't going to happen. My soul had a secret it was keeping. I wasn't just here for the food. I came into this world with a limited means, just enough for survival really. It was self imposed limitation so that I would be here to anchor the energy when I was needed.
I now expect things to change. I am free to go and enjoy myself where ever my hearts a fire. I know just the place. In fact, both of my adult children are already there. How convenient is that anyway? Coincidence? I think not.
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Starting Again
I have been journaling for several years now and have decided to take my journaling into the blogging arena. After all, I have a lot to say. I have been through much in my lifetime, much and have pushed all of my experience through my head and heart. There are many times through out the day that I get insight into my experience. There is a lot of it, really and it keeps coming. I want to document it here, so that I can ground it, bring it to life. Bring it in and give it legs, make it walk. Currently, a lot of my insight just sorts of floats in through me and then out without gaining form. I want to give my creations form. Give it a body and turn it loose.
For some reason, the though of blogging would not leave me today. It is the a.m. of Labor Day. I haven't been to bed yet, so I call it the day before but technically, it is Labor Day. I took myself out tonight for some pizzeria pizza and a salad, yum and while I was sitting there, blogging kept running through my thoughts. Not sure why, but here I am.
What a beautiful evening it was tonight. There is nothing like driving with the top down on a summer's evening. I have been stuck on Human Touch by Bruce Springstein. When that song first came out, while it was a hit on the radio and I remember liking the song, it never really meant that much to me. I am finding that there are songs now that maybe I liked or didn't like in the past, that I can now relate to. It's like foods. You know, when you're little you don't like onions but as an adult somehow onions start appearing in a lot of your food choices. I used to have to scrape the onions off of the little McDonalds hamburgers when I was a kid. Couldn't eat them and if I happened upon an onion, it ruined my meal. Now, I am ordering them on pizza. PIZZA! Life is funny. I don't know where or when it happened but suddenly I am putting onions on one of my favorite foods.
So, back to music and life. I see that we resonate with things in our lives but as we grow, that resonance changes. And maybe, just maybe, if you aren't growing, then the same things will resonate with you throughout your entire life. You know those people in high school who have the same friends, listen to the same music and have the same hairstyle? I am guessing that those people haven't changed much in their lives and their outward appearance is just a reflection of things staying the same. Which is fine-there's no right or wrong way to live.
As I reflect on my life and all of the change which I have sustained, I can't imagine life any other way. For me, there was no trying to change it just continued to happen. Kind of like that internal drive a child has to learn to talk and walk. It just happened. It was innate. And, as proof of my internal changes, I am a proud member of the hair of the month club. My hair color changes constantly. That is just a small example of how we show ourselves to the world.
Well, that is my introduction back into the blogging arena. We'll see where this goes, if any where.
BRB
For some reason, the though of blogging would not leave me today. It is the a.m. of Labor Day. I haven't been to bed yet, so I call it the day before but technically, it is Labor Day. I took myself out tonight for some pizzeria pizza and a salad, yum and while I was sitting there, blogging kept running through my thoughts. Not sure why, but here I am.
What a beautiful evening it was tonight. There is nothing like driving with the top down on a summer's evening. I have been stuck on Human Touch by Bruce Springstein. When that song first came out, while it was a hit on the radio and I remember liking the song, it never really meant that much to me. I am finding that there are songs now that maybe I liked or didn't like in the past, that I can now relate to. It's like foods. You know, when you're little you don't like onions but as an adult somehow onions start appearing in a lot of your food choices. I used to have to scrape the onions off of the little McDonalds hamburgers when I was a kid. Couldn't eat them and if I happened upon an onion, it ruined my meal. Now, I am ordering them on pizza. PIZZA! Life is funny. I don't know where or when it happened but suddenly I am putting onions on one of my favorite foods.
So, back to music and life. I see that we resonate with things in our lives but as we grow, that resonance changes. And maybe, just maybe, if you aren't growing, then the same things will resonate with you throughout your entire life. You know those people in high school who have the same friends, listen to the same music and have the same hairstyle? I am guessing that those people haven't changed much in their lives and their outward appearance is just a reflection of things staying the same. Which is fine-there's no right or wrong way to live.
As I reflect on my life and all of the change which I have sustained, I can't imagine life any other way. For me, there was no trying to change it just continued to happen. Kind of like that internal drive a child has to learn to talk and walk. It just happened. It was innate. And, as proof of my internal changes, I am a proud member of the hair of the month club. My hair color changes constantly. That is just a small example of how we show ourselves to the world.
Well, that is my introduction back into the blogging arena. We'll see where this goes, if any where.
BRB
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